8 posts from 2007

The entire site has had a complete 'face lift'. My sister has done a great job, and now it's finally finished. I made up the look, more or less, but my sister added some decorations, to make it look even nicer. (if I may say so myself.)

Come on in and take a look, if you like.

There are times when I feel like this. That what I'm writing is of poor quality, lacks originality and is plain boring. At other times I can be more hopeful. But... The truth is, I know there are plenty of girls like me, some very young, some a bit older, who write about almost exactly the same themes I do. Many of them write as well as I do or better.

What do I have to offer, really?

Times like these, I just know I'll never have my books published. Who would like to read them?

But then again, sometimes I consider this: others, less talented writers not only get published, but sell like mad. Then I think, why not me? If they can make it, so can I. Maybe I'm even a little better than they are, these writers who shall remain anonymous. They might be among your favorites. The last thing I want is to insult my readers.

At the end of the day, all I know is that I don't know anything. Someone a lot smarter than I am, came up with that, but it's still true.

I just read an article about a Swedish book called (in translation) Women who love gay men, by a Swedish woman by the name of Linda Leopold. It was very interesting reading.

The article mentions all kinds of 'fag hags'. From the 'traditional' fag hag who goes to gay clubs, dressed and made up like a drag queen, to young women who love gay porn and even, women who are married to gay men.

One reason women like gay porn seems to be that women are tired of being submissive objects, like in many other aspects of our culture. I believe in that explanation. Of course there can be others too. In any case, I don't think women who like gay porn need to make up excuses for their preference. Men like lesbian porn. If that's ok, the equivalent should be ok too.

Slash, including the Japanese yaoi, is also mentioned in the article.

All this seems to be a trend gaining in popularity. I can't help but think that it's a slight improvement on our generally negative society.

I recognize quite a bit of all this. Not dressing up and wearing makeup like a drag queen, but much of the rest of it.

Besides, personally, I'm not exclusively a fag hag. I also love, to the same extent, sweet, kind, submissive straight guys. You could say that quite simply I love most guys, except for the pushy, bossy dominant ones.

I missed Without a Trace on Saturday night. That's why I decided to stay awake until twenty past one the night between Sunday and Monday. It was hard. I got some rest on the couch, but finally it was past one that night.

That's when I realized that our national tv station had goofed up. They were airing an old episode. A rerun of a rerun? Or there was some mistake about the actual rerun. In any case, I got hopping mad. There I was staying awake for so long, when I was already exhausted after a trip, then I took the trouble of trying to see the show that I missed, and things ended up like that.

I'd really like to tell those goons working for the tv station to wisen up. This isn't the first time I've had reason to complain. While I'm already at it, I might mention my enormous irritation over how they simply remove series I follow, when there's some event, sports or otherwise. Certain other series that I don't watch get moved ahead to a slot later in the evening, but that's not the ones I follow. It's really, really annoying.

But the story didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. Maybe it was the subject. My idea for the story didn't cut it. I'll just have to keep hanging on. Write more original stories, before I can relax again, writing fan fiction.

For a while, i was quite happy with most of my writing. I was on a roll. Now I've lost it again, I guess.

If only the creativity returns, hopefully, I'll have more, interesting ideas that will work. At least I hope so.

Maybe I should look at it another way. I'm getting back into it. This first story was just a warmup. The next will be better, hopefully.

Once upon a time, not so very long ago, Tonica actually had a beta reader. It was just one, but it does mean a lot to have at least one other person who reads your stories. Best of all is if this person (ok, let's be honest here, this girl) knows the fandom the story is set in. If it's an original story, your beta reader can point out spelling and grammar mistakes. Hopefully.

My beta reader (I won't name her) simply got tired of it. Got tired of my stories, of me, I don't know, I guess it was something. It feels really sad not to have any audience at all anymore. Sure one or two visitors still drop in now and again, but almost all of those (the few who do come) stay for a few seconds.

Apparently, I've failed to reach the audience. Or my writing has deteriorated. Or the readers have tired of what I'm writing. I really don't know what the problem is. It almost feels unreal to remember that my homepage - Agri Sublunares - former The Sublunar Fields - former Tonica's World - once used to bring in hundreds of visitors every week.

My fics are mentioned on some of the great fandom sites. Yes, without me first getting in touch to ask them for a link exchange. Of course I linked to them right away, if I wasn't already doing that, which I mostly did. Two people have used my fics in their theses.

And now no one wants to look at my stories. It feels a little sad, but I guess that's how it goes. I was going to make a video podcast (a little movie) and put on the site. If it isn't too late already. Besides, I was going to make this movie with my beta reader and (what do you call them again, oh, right, I remember now) a friend. Right, never mind.

This post might just as well have been called The readers who disappeared, but that's enough misery for today. Writing still happens to be my very favorite thing to do in the whole world, closely followed by reading, even if it might sound a little insular to be sitting around, reading my own stories.

I've finally managed to get back into writing again. "Just" fan fiction so far, but I feel that soon I'll be ready to get started on an original story. Either I'll work up to it by staring with writing or finishing an original story, or starting a new one, or both. Or - I'll get to work on my novel in progress. There isn't that much more to do.

Then there's that other novel, the one I've finished. This is it. I'll finally get it sent to the publishers. I don't know why I keep putting it off. Except, I do. Today, it's almost impossible to get anything published. You'll need connections or you need to be a celebrity. And so on and so forth. Besides, it's probably impossible to get someone to even read your book, much less give it a chance.

Still... Once I've done it, at least I'll have tried. You can't do more than that. I think my book is exciting and interesting. So does my 'beta reader'. Of course, that just makes two of us.

In any case, my writing (as opposed to pretty much everything else in my life) is back on track. At least that's something.

I keep reading about the modern woman's sex habits, and that, believe it or not, isn't why I read the papers. But it's everywhere.

They like to be forced to have sex by a whole gang of guys. They like it rough, ie the guy treating them roughly. And naturally, the all time favorite - lesbian sex. Not lesbian women. Straight ones. What I can't understand is how straight women can like that. Isn't it part of the concept 'heterosexual' that you prefer the opposite sex?

Am I the only one who likes the other type of rough? By me, against the guy? Or... now that we're on that topic - the guys... ;) Am I alone in being turned on by watching two or three hot guys being together or at least kissing?

I guess I'm hopelessly geeky and "out of things". Except... if I'm the only entirely straight girl left (not quite true, I know at least one girl who is like me), shouldn't there be more guys left for me (us)? :)

You can always hope. And the rest of you. Good luck! I hope you'll have a lot of fun in life. As long as no one innocent gets hurt, I hope everyone gets what they want. Just one thing - let me have a couple of those guys you don't want anyway, ok? :)